You’re Growing Up Henry Bug But I’m Not Ready Yet
You’re Growing Up Henry Bug
Back in September I wrote a very emotional post about not sending my child to primary school you can read this here if you haven’t already. As it happens the day after that post went live, Henry got his first day at a wonderful little school that I’ve really grown quite fond of. He’s growing up. This all happened back in September and it’s now December but I just found the whole thing overwhelming and really quite hard to put into words if I’m honest. If you have children that have transitioned to primary school I’m sure you’ll understand but for those who don’t it felt pretty bad.
The moment he put on that school uniform he aged and selfishly I felt like I was loosing my baby. Although he goes to a great school he ultimately spends seven hours a day there five days a week. He comes home, usually with a fist full of artwork which I hang proudly and a head full of adventures he can’t wait to share and I feel a swell of pride but then a pang of jealous that I wasn’t there too so then im flooded with guilt that I had all those years before he started school and maybe I didn’t cherish them enough and I just let them fly by too fast.
After I dropped him off for his first day of school, the day we had both been eagerly, anxiously and emotionally waiting for, the house seemed quieter somehow. He’d been away during the day before having attended preschool a few days a week but this was different it signified the start of the future, a future we both wanted but one I didn’t quite feel ready for.
It was an uncharacteristically warm day and I sat outside feeling, in a way lonely wondering what he was getting up to. The grass in the garden was growing long and in the gentle breeze the sunflowers we had planted from seed stood tall swaying slightly. They had featured as a backdrop to most of our summer adventures and much delight was had watching them grow into tiny seedlings and then great big beanstalk like flowers.
The realisation hits me hard that my baby is growing up. I knew this would happen of course but it’s faster than I’d like and I don’t feel ready. As I sat in the garden that day I felt like a part of me had gone. Not disappeared but more like grown wings and flown to the next stage in life a lot like our seeds did when they grew into seedlings. Although I am incredibly proud of my boy gaining his big boy wings I also feel like I’m mourning the baby he was and won’t ever be again. Whilst he’s off on the next stage of his adventures I guess it’s just me and those darn sunflowers.
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