I have a great life. It’s a really great life. I am safe. My world is filled with love and presence. Mostly I am happy, relatively healthy and financially we are comfortable. So why, if life is wonderful, do I sometimes feel so low? Why do I have such dark thoughts? How does someone living a life as good as mine feel so depressed? I know that’s what people ask. I know that’s what ignorant people ask. If it was me I know that’s what I would ask.
Why does someone living a life as good as mine feel so depressed? What do I have to feel depressed about?
I have a great life. It’s a really great life but part of me is sad.
I DON’T Feel Right
I guess I just don’t feel right. Like I’m slowly losing my grip on keeping everything together. It’s as if I am juggling all of these balls and I’m so close to dropping all of them and I know it. I live in an anxiety fog of worry and stress and I know that I have no reason to, not really.
But I have a Great Life
Its naive to assume that only certain people can suffer from depression. That bad feelings don’t overcome blessed people. My life’s not always been blessed. I’ve sadly not always been surrounded by wonderful, caring and uplifting influences. It isn’t uncommon to put on a front. A facade about what my life is like. To an outsider my world is complete, almost picturesque. I guess I’m good at faking because on the surface what appears perfect can be broken at the core.
I’ve spent my whole life running from these demons. These issues I don’t want to face, I don’t even know how to face. Even when I reach my version of perfection those demons are still here, taking up residency in my head, destroying my happiness and filling my mind with doubt and dark thoughts. But I have a great life. I have a really great life yet part of me feels so sad.
Maybe This is it
I’ve tried for the last ten years to get rid, ignore or just accept the baggage that I carry. I’ve sought help, medically, spiritually and holistically. I don’t find answers, or success. I’m exhausted from running, from fighting, from faking.
I know I have a great life. I have a really great life but part of me might always be sad.
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