I am really struggling with motherhood at the moment. It feels incredibly raw to say it, but I am. I know that I live a very privileged life where I get to work from home, but I am still struggling.
Hugo has just turned one, and if I’m honest, I am feeling a bit lost. I’ve spent the last year as an extension of him losing my own identity along the way. I used to wear makeup most days and wear actual clothes that weren’t leggings and care about my appearance, but I’ve lost that because I am struggling with motherhood.
The first six months that Hugo was earthside were probably my hardest days to date. He struggled with silent reflux, colic and CMPA. I was breastfeeding, and he wanted to either feed or be continuously held. I barely put him down – even at night. I struggled to get anything done, and the housework, life admin and blog fell on top of me like a huge burden. I couldn’t even find time to shower, and I was struggling with motherhood, and I didn’t want to admit it.
As Hugo grew older things became more relaxed, he grew out of the CMPA, and the reflux and colic eased. I thought this would be the point where I would gain some life back, but I was still struggling with motherhood. Hugo doesn’t sleep, and he barely takes a nap during the day. I find myself spending most of my time trying to get him to sleep or trying to settle him back to sleep when he wakes up. I barely leave the house for anything that isn’t a school run or a house errand, and I really have no life beyond Hugo. My husband helps, but he works long days, and I feel like it’s my job as a mother to cope better. I see all the other mums handling it. Getting dressed, keeping house, and although they look tired, they aren’t struggling with motherhood in the same way I am.
I miss the old me, the person who had time for self-care. I feel like I don’t get any time without a baby in my arms and I know that is selfish, and I would never change it because I adore being a mother, but some days are hard.
I started this year, wanting to achieve my weight goals. I know it’s not about weight loss, but I don’t have any body confidence. I’m not happy with how I look or who I am. I feel like a failure my days are spent continually juggling everything and never really achieving much. Then when I get a moment to pause I see that a whole month has gone by and I can’t tell you what I have done or what has been achieved, and I should be able to do this because mothers out there are managing it, but I am struggling. I am struggling with motherhood, and I feel like nothing more than a failure.
I am struggling with motherhood, but that’s ok because this is just a fleeting moment it’s only right now, only today and tomorrow will be different. This does get better, it isn’t every moment of every day, but when we struggle, it’s ok to say it out loud. It’s ok to admit that you are struggling because motherhood is a unique journey, but it’s worth the hard days, so hang in there Mama.
Thank you for stopping by! Check out my last post here.
Love as always!
More From Me
Want to find out more about me? Head over to this page. If you like reading posts like this then you might want to follow me over on Bloglovin. Don’t forget you can find me on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter & YouTube.
As always words, views and opinions are honest and my own. Links marked with “*” are affiliate links. This does not cost you anything additional but it may mean I earn a small percentage from any sales. For more information about any of this please head over to this page.