My Life Plan
When you have a child, almost from the minute they are born people ask if you are going to have anymore. When I envisioned my family I always thought of having three children, if not more. Life changes though and with it the visions we have imagined change with it.
My health really deteriorated when I first gave birth and from that moment it has been an ever decreasing journey. Although I am in a phase of remission I know that having another child will ultimately tip that scale further. I keep saying we are going to have another child. I insinuate it will be in the near future but I think ultimately I know this is not true.
There are further medications I can take to help my condition but if I plan to have more children soon then they are not an option. I keep putting them off. I think realistically I know I won’t have more children but I aren’t ready to make that official. I aren’t ready to say that out loud. I’m 28 years old and I am of prime child bearing age I don’t feel ready to give that up. I am kidding myself, I know this. It devastates me that I may never carry another child. I won’t experience that newborn scent or that overwhelming wave of love that comes from nowhere.
Being Grateful For What I Have
I am blessed though. I have a happy, healthy thriving little boy that is the complete world to me. Not everyone has that. I know I am lucky and I am grateful everyday for what I have. I am just not ready to let go of my dream.
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