It was this time last year that my husband and I decided that we wanted to expand our family with one more person. Previous to this we had come to terms with the fact that we might not have any more children due to health reasons. I had kicked my prescription painkiller addiction and we made an iconic decision that would shape the rest of our lives forever. Nine short months later we say welcome to the world baby Hugo as the next chapter begins.
When I fell pregnant with my first born Henry it was by complete accident. Of course, we both had discussed children in the future. We had a life plan – steps we were going to take in order to reach our end goals. We were in the process of buying our first house having relocated to Manchester from the south. I had started a new job and Ollie was progressing in his career. In many ways, we were still finding our feet and when that pregnancy test showed positive it threw a huge spanner in the works. I’m a great believer in fate though and honestly think that we fell pregnant for a reason and I couldn’t imagine our lives happening any differently now.
Pregnancy didn’t happen quite as quickly with Hugo though and there were many tests taken none of which had the result we wanted. As I held each test with hopeful hands and read the results through teary eyes I began to wonder if this pregnancy wasn’t meant to be. Sometimes you can want something too much. You can try too hard and it’s just not meant to be. I can’t believe in fate only when it suits me so I decided that we would try for one more month. One more test. If the result was negative then it wasn’t meant to be right now. The next test I took was positive and that was the beginning of baby Hugo’s story.
Pregnancy wasn’t fun. I felt like the life was being drained from me and I started to suffer from prenatal depression after we suffered a bereavement. I saw the maternal mental health team who provided amazing support throughout my pregnancy but coupled with incontinence you could say it wasn’t the best time for me.
That being said there were moments where I began to bond with baby Hugo before he was even born. Seeing him on the scans and feeling him kick around. Despite not enjoying pregnancy there are moments that I really do miss.
By the end of the pregnancy I was ready to meet baby Hugo but at the same time I was nervous and overwhelmed. Things were going to change. Our family would go from being a family unit of three to four. I knew that the dynamic would be different and that my first-born Henry would have to cope and accept all of these big changes. What if I didn’t love the new baby like I loved Henry or what if we didn’t bond? What if I am just not a good Mum?
At 5 pm my hind waters broke and Ollie and I set off to the hospital. As we were getting ready to leave I cried. I knew that we would be leaving this house pregnant and be returning with a new-born baby and even after nine months of pregnancy that was a lot to get my head around.
After an agonising wait in triage, we were eventually transferred to the labour ward just after 11 pm where six minutes later baby Hugo was born.
Baby Hugo & The Future
I had worried silently that I wouldn’t bond or love my baby but as soon as he had entered the world my heart exploded with love and I honestly couldn’t love either of my boys more than I do. I don’t know if I am a good mum but I do know that I give my children my all and I do the best I can. So, what does the future hold for baby Hugo? I don’t know if he’s the next prime minister or a budding brain surgeon but what I do know is he can freely be whatever and whoever he wants and I will be his biggest cheerleader, confidant and best friend until the day I die.
Welcome to the world baby Hugo I can’t wait to go on this journey with you.
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Love as always!
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